Year 7 (13 Years Later)
August 21, 2018
Post 6: Sarah, Ashley & Amanda
Post 5: Ashley
Post 4: Carol
Post 3: Joanna
Post 2: Sarah
Post 1: Melissa and Jenni
Year 6 – (12 years later)
August 21, 2018
Post 6: Sarah, Ashley & Amanda
Its been ever so long since I've had a "crew". People my age/in my stage of life to do things with. Before I met you, life here in Florida was boring and extremely lonely. I have absolutely loved our dinner/movie nights and that fact that we can just be silly together and then immediately follow that up with serious life-question conversations. Sarah - Thanks for the way you bring us all together and for not letting me get away with anything! I love the way you love on us and call me out on my shit. I love how you area always telling us "I want the best for you.", "Don't let ____ hold you back from doing what God has called you to do" and how you come along side us. I can't wait to swim the Frog Man with you as my guide! Ashley - Girl our "fix the world" conversations at the beach are my favorite. I love you're patience and passion for life. You inspire me to be still and wait on God's perfect timing. Amanda - Thank you for encouraging me and being excited about the things I write. You're love and care for us in such a gentile way it is soothing to the soul. Love you dear friends and I can't wait for New Years day when we get to look back and say "Remember that time we couldn't figure out what God was doing? Wow! Look at us now!
Post 5: Ashley
I say it every year and I'll say it again: Where do I even start? You are my Person! I'm so thankful for all the wisdom and advice you've given over the years. Thank you for calling out the creative person inside of me. For encouraging me to bring her into the light and gently nurturing her (see "Dear Dad" Post from earlier). Thank you for seeing more in men than I've seen in myself. For encouraging me to do the hard things and for being my "Google" 'cause apparently I'm too lazy to look these things up for myself. I promise (I'm getting better at that). I love you dear friend and can't imagine life without you.
Post 4: Carol
gosh where do I begin? I was in such a dark place when you called and suggested I move down to Florida. Living with you was such a blessing. Thank you for letting me exactly who I was: one messed up woman going through the horrors of reentry. Thank you for reminding me I wasn't alone and that I was allowed to think and feel the things I was thinking and feeling. Thank you for validating me and for providing a safe place filled with love and understand. I'm so thankful for your friendship and for the chance to do life together.
Post 3: Joanna
Thank you for the consistent message that I am beautiful just the way I am. I'm finally starting to believe it. Thank you for teaming me to "just say 'thank you'" and to embrace and love my body the way it is, curves and all. Thank you for always reminding me that the best thing I can do is love and be myself.
Do you know how hard it is to find a friend who not only spent a significant amount of time overseas but is also gluten-free? I'll tell you: its hard. But I have one! Her name is Sarah.
Sarah I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for your friendship. When I walk into your house I immediately relax. I don't have to think about the words coming from my mouth. If another language slips out, I don't have to explain it. If one of us is having a thought or memory about our overseas home, we share it without fear of the glazed look of incomprehension. (I know its not their fault but that glazed look makes me feel so isolated and you get that). I love laughing with you about our re-entry blunders that still happen even though we've been state side for a few years. And our weekly pizza nights have been balm for my tired soul that just wants a friend to share food with rather than bring my own.
You probably won't see this today, or maybe even for a few weeks, because you're busy giving birth to the cutest little girl, but I want to say thank you for stepping into the gap and being that person I can swap stories with about life overseas. Your friendship and understanding mean the world to me.
Post 1: Melissa and Jenni
Have you ever had a friend/friends with whom you could pick-up your friendship right where you left off? Melissa and Jenni are those friends for me. We can go weeks or even months without talking and it doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day we know we'll be there for each other. I'm so thankful for these two women. We live in 3 different states but the distance doesn't stop us from doing life together. They are the ones I want to tell when something good happens or the ones I text when gosh-darn-it I'm so confused about life and just need clarity or a listening ear. We've also been friends for so long, they have the unique ability to point out areas of growth, which I a so thankful for 'cause lets be honest, sometimes its hard to see personal growth. I love these college friends of mine and I'm so thankful for our unique friendship that has stood the test of time.
They are wives and mommies and all around inspiring because they are honest about where they're at. What you see is what you get. Those are the best kinds of friends to have.
I love you ladies and I am so very thankful for you!
Year 6 – (12 years later)
August 21, 2017
Post 5: Ashley
Post 4: Carol
Post 3: Joy
Post 2: Joanna
Post 5: Ashley
To be honest, I don't even know where to start. What do I even say about the person I had the pleasure of walking through some of the darkest and scariest moments of my/our lives? My heart is so full when I think of Ashley I can't help but start crying (friend I miss you like crazy every day!)
I first met Ashley back in 2011. She probably doesn't remember but we were sitting at a picnic table and as I sat there listening to her story I couldn't help but think "This woman is amazing! I think we would totally get each other. I want to get to know her!" Alas, it wasn't to be so - at least not for that trip...
Fast forward a few years and I find myself headed back to Zambia. My friend Andrew (who also knew Ashley) informed me I just had to learn to make fresh bread (and basically everything else) from Ashley. He also encouraged me to reach out to her for advice on preparing for this cross-world move [BEST ADVICE EVER!!]
We exchanged a few random FB messages but not enough to really get to know each other (I still remember the day she asked if I was a mommy! I suppose it makes sense considering I was a nannie but that question sure caught me off guard! HA!) Fast forward again and I arrived in Zambia after two weeks of training in Germany during which I had been sick with a raging fever. Not only did I arrive sick but I continued to get even sicker with each passing day (seriously, I came down with some of the weirdest and most random sicknesses ever). I didn't know anyone in that town, but they all knew me (unfortunately) as the American girl who was, to put it nicely, struggling. Ashley was away on furlough but if memory serves me correctly, as soon as she got home multiple individuals informed her of the "American girl who really needs your help".
And thus began our friendship. Looking back, those first weeks well prepared us for the rest of my time in Zambia. I can only laugh and shake my head at the whole thing in wonder and amazement. I have no idea how she did it but somehow she managed jet-lag, three littles with number four on the way and helping a sick extremely culture-shocked woman. Daily she sent homemade yogurt to rebuild my severely compromised immune system (three rounds of antibiotics over two weeks does that to the body) and other "yummy" things (two words: wormwood tincture). She check on me daily. Let me crash in the spare bedroom on weekends. Fed me some of the most amazing I-can't-believe-I'm-in-Africa-and-eating-this-yummy food (which was good because I was losing weight at an alarming rate). And then, she and her husband let me stay with them for three weeks while I waited for my work-permit to be processed [the whole time during which she trained me in the art of cooking-in-Africa].
The above is just the first two months of our friendship. The next year and a half were filled with stories you probably wouldn't believe if I told you. Through culture shock, Ashley was there helping me navigate the stormy seas whether by text, phone call or a much needed week away to process life. Through boils (yes boils) and other random sicknesses, Ashley was there sharing her wisdom on regaining health in a place where doctors were unavailable. On holidays, I had a home to go to, a family to be around, kids to love on and play with and a baby to dance to sleep. When I needed a second set of eyes on an update for supporters, she gladly shared hers. She was a person to giggle and laugh hysterically with whether it be in the same room or by text (seriously, she once made me laugh so hard while sharing a story about her daughter's cat, via text, that my neighbors thought was losing my mind! What can I say? She tells a good story!). My dear friend even let me keep a new puppy AND kitty at her house for a few days (that right there, my friends, is real love).
But seriously - when it came down to it, when I had no one to turn to, Ashley (and her husband Tim) were there when my health and spirit reach a breaking point. As soon as it became aware I was in crisis, they had me come to their home (y'all they aren't even with the same organization I served with!!! Sometimes that matters to people. It didn't matter to Ashley and Tim). They took me to all my doctor's appointments (at one point Tim had to half-carry me to the car because I was so sick I couldn't walk. That day Ashley let me lay my head on her lap as I lay on a hard bench quietly weeping (a cultural no-no) because I was getting more sick with each passing day). And then, when all the doctors in Zambia failed to help, they got me in touch with their co-workers in South Africa who then arranged for my medical care in their country. To top it all off, when I returned to Zambia and could not return to my village, they let me continue to live with them. I could go on and on about the ways Ashley has practically showed me the love of Christ, continually pointing me to Him, both in Zambia and now while we are thousands of miles a part, but that would fill an entire book.
What I will say is this: From Ashley I learned not only how to make an amazing loaf of homemade bread but what it means to truly love your neighbor. From Ashley I learned that being a mommy is hard and scary and (on some days) heart breaking but TOTALLY worth it! From Ashley I learned that loving God means loving others exactly where they are spiritually, emotionally and physically. From Ashley I learned that life as as expat is totally doable if God is the One who has called you to it. From Ashley I have learned I can step forward into the unknown trusting a known God.
In Ashley I see the woman I long to be - someone who completely and fully loves those around her in a selfless and healthy way. A woman of wisdom and grace, of great joys and sorrows but most of all a woman whose heart beats only to serve her Lord and Savior, the rest is just an outworking of that strong and steady heart-beat.
The above is just the first two months of our friendship. The next year and a half were filled with stories you probably wouldn't believe if I told you. Through culture shock, Ashley was there helping me navigate the stormy seas whether by text, phone call or a much needed week away to process life. Through boils (yes boils) and other random sicknesses, Ashley was there sharing her wisdom on regaining health in a place where doctors were unavailable. On holidays, I had a home to go to, a family to be around, kids to love on and play with and a baby to dance to sleep. When I needed a second set of eyes on an update for supporters, she gladly shared hers. She was a person to giggle and laugh hysterically with whether it be in the same room or by text (seriously, she once made me laugh so hard while sharing a story about her daughter's cat, via text, that my neighbors thought was losing my mind! What can I say? She tells a good story!). My dear friend even let me keep a new puppy AND kitty at her house for a few days (that right there, my friends, is real love).
But seriously - when it came down to it, when I had no one to turn to, Ashley (and her husband Tim) were there when my health and spirit reach a breaking point. As soon as it became aware I was in crisis, they had me come to their home (y'all they aren't even with the same organization I served with!!! Sometimes that matters to people. It didn't matter to Ashley and Tim). They took me to all my doctor's appointments (at one point Tim had to half-carry me to the car because I was so sick I couldn't walk. That day Ashley let me lay my head on her lap as I lay on a hard bench quietly weeping (a cultural no-no) because I was getting more sick with each passing day). And then, when all the doctors in Zambia failed to help, they got me in touch with their co-workers in South Africa who then arranged for my medical care in their country. To top it all off, when I returned to Zambia and could not return to my village, they let me continue to live with them. I could go on and on about the ways Ashley has practically showed me the love of Christ, continually pointing me to Him, both in Zambia and now while we are thousands of miles a part, but that would fill an entire book.
What I will say is this: From Ashley I learned not only how to make an amazing loaf of homemade bread but what it means to truly love your neighbor. From Ashley I learned that being a mommy is hard and scary and (on some days) heart breaking but TOTALLY worth it! From Ashley I learned that loving God means loving others exactly where they are spiritually, emotionally and physically. From Ashley I learned that life as as expat is totally doable if God is the One who has called you to it. From Ashley I have learned I can step forward into the unknown trusting a known God.
In Ashley I see the woman I long to be - someone who completely and fully loves those around her in a selfless and healthy way. A woman of wisdom and grace, of great joys and sorrows but most of all a woman whose heart beats only to serve her Lord and Savior, the rest is just an outworking of that strong and steady heart-beat.
Post 4: Carol
When I started this tradition 6 years ago the day seemed to be going well. Until the sun sank and then I didn't want to be alone anymore. So I called up my friend Carol and asked if we could meet at our favorite restaurant for Mexican and Margaritas. It became a tradition after that. Fast forward 3 years and we were in different counties - two August 21sts came and went and they were never quite the same because she was absent.
Then I returned to the states, my head spinning from reentry/reverse culture shock. The spinning became topsy-turvy and out of control when I lost my job. Not only did I find myself in a culture that should feel like home but didn't but I no longer had any sense of direction or purpose. I began what can only be described as a crisis of faith, the likes of which I have never before experienced.
And then the one person I knew would understand reentry, namely Carol, called and suggested I move down to Florida where she and her family were living. Not only that but she and her husband opened their home to me offering their spare bedroom until I got back on my feet both physically and spiritually. Of all the kind and gracious offers I received in my time of need this one stood out to me because Carol and her family had just gone through the reentry process themselves. Knowing I needed someone who understood what I didn't understand myself I packed my bags and headed to the small town of Lakeland.
Often people ask me why I'm in Lakeland. This isn't exactly the place to be when you're 28 and single, its more of a place people settle to raise a family. When I'm tired I answer "I really don't know" but the truth is I do know. I'm here because I needed a safe place to process the hurt and anger that comes from being abandoned by the organization I loved. I needed someone who not only understood what I was going through but who knew me pre-Africa. Someone who I wouldn't have to start all over with. Carol was that person.
There are days where I haven't said a word and God has given her the wisdom to know exactly what I'm thinking and feeling and wrestling with. There are days when I've been so angry I could hardly think straight (if you know me at all then you'll know I rarely get that angry let alone express it) - Carol was a safe person to be angry around. To ask questions too as I shook my fists at heaven asking "What the heck God?!". She reminded me every day that the turmoil of emotions and confusion I was (and am) experiencing are normal. That the nightmares are a very real and natural part of reentry and that, with time, they will begin to fade. With Carol, I see God's love and grace in a way only those who have experienced reentry can express.
So tonight my heart is fully (and so is my belly) because Carol arranged Mexican and Margaritas for tonight. After living in my own apartment for three weeks, and three years a part, tonight was refreshing. Tonight was a night to sit and talk through the last few weeks, with all its joys and dark struggles as I grieve in a different way yet another August 21st. I'm so glad I got to do so with Carol.
Post 3: Joy
Last Sunday was my dad's birthday. The day started with that realization. I felt fine. Not great but fine. By the end of the day, I had spent so many hours inside my own head the darkness began to surround me like a heavy blanket ready to smother me. Its been a long time since I've felt such darkness and depression connected to the memory of my father and the phase of life I find myself in. It caught me off guard. It scared me. I knew I had to reach out to someone but in this new town, surrounded by married couples with lots of lovely children, I didn't know who to reach out to let alone who would have time for a person shrouded in darkness just needing someone to hold her while she cried. In my desperation I sent an SMS to my friend Joy. There are so many reasons I am thankful for her (after all what's not to love about the person who helped you pass biology - seriously my friend, I only have my degree because you helped me study so much) but after Sunday evening my thankfulness reached a new level.
Feeling so alone in the 242 sq ft of my flat, texting my friend, the darkness continued to surround me. Two minutes later the darkness was permeated by Joy's phone call. Fifteen minutes later, it was push back farther still by a video chat. As I laid there, curled up on my bed, sobbing my eyes out, my friend just sat with me, letting me weep and occasionally offering me a used tissue through the screen, providing some much needed laughter.
It has been a long time since I've cried that hard. The release of the emotions and having another acknowledge my hurting heart was like a breath of air for my suffocating heart. I don't know how long we talked, it really doesn't matter. What matters was that I was not okay and she took the time to call me and say "It is okay that you're not okay". Later that night and throughout the week, Joy has been intentional to call or text just to check on me.
And this isn't the first time she has been intentional during dark moments. It seems God has our lives on a path where we flip-flop difficulties often finding our paths crossing where we get to walk together through the mess or walking just a head or behind a person on the road called Life. I am ever so thankful for a friend who "gets it". A woman whose deepest cry is to know and be known by God. A woman who isn't afraid to pound on the gates of heaven with and for her friend. She loves those around her unconditionally and provides a safe place for them to be honest about all the messiness of life. She makes me want to be more intentional with those around me, to be a person who is genuine and to continually seek God no matter the situation I find myself in.
Post 2: Joanna
I met this lovely lady in Zambia. I quickly realized Joanna has a level of insight few possess. Words just aren't enough to accurately describe her ability to look into a situation, to week through the messiness and get to the heart of things. Countless times, she has lovingly spoken truth into my life. She has helped me identify emotions I didn't know how to describe and has been able to look into situations and bring clarity. At one point, during my time in an African bush village, I found myself drowning in isolation and, unbeknownst to me, was battling depression. Joanna hear I was struggling and reached out. She was able to lovingly talk me through what was happening while helping me realize (for myself) that I needed help. her love and unique ability to talk me through a difficult situation put me on a path to emotional healing and restoration.
But there is more to the story: Over one year ago, we both got sick around the same time. Two very different issues both emerging around the same time. If you've had any long-term health issues you'll know how discouraging it can be to find your health steadily declining. Sometimes the decline is so slow and steady it catches you unaware until one day you wake up and realize you are sicker than you realized. When you do seek medical care the discouragement becomes greater when you're left without answers as baffled doctors run countless tests and still have no answers to give. This was what happened to me. God, in His grace, got both Joanna and I to specialists, on opposite sides of the world, both of whom had a very similar view of health, healing and restoring the body to how God intended. These two specialists got us on a path to healing when others had no solution (side note: I' very thankful for these two). It allowed us to go back to our Zambian home and for me provided a friend who could speak into the battle in a most unique way.
Now a year later, we're back on the opposite sides of the globe, I've been able to transfer to Joanna's specialist and thanks to modern technology we get to stay in touch. When my health takes an unexpected plummet, Joanna is always there reminding me it took years to get sick so it will take more than just a few months to get better. And when the desire to eat bread, drown my sorrows in a tub of ice cream or eat some other food I'm not supposed to overwhelms me, Joanna is the friend I text and without fail, from seven thousand plus miles away, tells me "Don't do it. Its not worth it." Those seven words, accountability and seeing both her dedication and success to become healthy has given me the motivation to keep fighting the battle to not only live but to thrive.
(P.S. She is also hysterical! At least once a week, she sends me a message that makes me laugh deep down inside. It is always the most refreshing part of my day)
Post 1: Strangers
As a general rule, I don't post about strangers on this day but there is a group of strangers who, over the last two months, have played such a big role in helping me through a very dark time. The best part of all: they don't even know it! If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably already read the following but for those who haven't, I hope you enjoy reading about my new friends.
Instagram Post from August 18, 2017
AMAZEMENT: Lately I haven't been feeling up to the challenge of swimming with the group. We swim almost every day for a minimum of an hour. They are all older than me and have many more years of experience than I do. Oh, and have I mentioned they are all men? Talk about intimidating! That being said, I've not once felt shame for being the slowest in the group. Instead, they remind me that I can get to their level I just have to keep at it.
Today, however was different. Today I did something new. Knowing it was the long swim (3000), I decided I better show up early so I could get my warm-up in before everyone arrived. Maybe then I'd be just enough ahead finish with everyone and maybe even complete the entire planned swim. By the time they arrived I was tired. When we started the official swim I doubted I would get even half finished. Then one of them turned to me and said " I'm proud of you".
If you've known me more than a year, you'll know that this week is hard for me. I miss my dad so much (especially this year). I miss knowing there is one person in the world who everyday, despite my shortcomings, is proud of me. When my new friend (who is around the age my dad was at the time of his death) said those words something changed. Suddenly I didn't want to be tired anymore. Suddenly I wanted desperately to find the energy to finish. Suddenly I had the energy to finish. The result, I went farther than I have ever gone (2500). Yes I was short, but it didn't matter because the laps I missed were spent being instructed by one of them on how to improve my technique which will allow me to go farther and faster next time.
Its amazing to me that these people, who I didn't know two short months ago, today stood in the gap for someone they don't even know is gone. It amazes me that when I least expected it, God brought a group of unexpected people to an unexpected place to lift me up and encourage me to keep moving forward. This week has been hard. This week I've been battling life and death and all the turmoil that surrounds me. But today, for one hour, twenty-three minutes and forty-three seconds the battle had a cease-fire and I was amazed to look up and find myself surrounded by a group of strangers who have no idea how much they just helped me.
Introduction to the Day:
Last night, right before slipping into that blessed state known as sleep, I had a thought: I could go to the beach tomorrow! After all, I now have my vehicle, the beach is less than two hours away and it is one of the few places on earth where I can truly relax. The thoughts of my hammock swinging over the ocean at my favorite secluded spot sounded so lovely. But as I further reflected, going to the beach today would have been a form of running away. On a day when I would love nothing more than to forget the world around me the beach calls. Its gentle lapping waves beckoning me to that sweet place of peace, calm and sleep (after all is there a better place to take a nap than a hammock over water? I submit there is not).
But I’m not at the beach today because 5 years ago I decided
I was tired of being sad every August 21. I needed a way to battle the ugly beast known
as grief that raises its head every year on this day without fail. So I made a
decision, every year I would stop what I was doing and remember good things
from the past year. Specifically to remember the men and women who have stepped
into the gap. For me, publicly acknowledging these people has become a way to
redeem a broken day. It is as though this public declaration of God’s faithfulness
redeems a very public act that brought so much hurt and ignored the goodness
and faithfulness of my heavenly father.
So to all of you reading this, I hope you’ll take a moment
today to remember the good things God has done. He is a good Father. No act of
man or feelings to the contrary have any effect on that truth. It’s a beautiful
thing I long to remember on more than one day a year.
Love Sincerely,
Jenifer
(Sunday August 21, 2016)
Post 3: When you live in a country not your own, in a remote village
three hours from the nearest grocery store (and one not very well stocked at
that) you tend to miss the conveniences of home a lot. Gone are the days were
you can run to the store and pick up your favorite chocolate bar or that
special ingredient to make your mom’s super chewy marshmallow brownies… Then
one day, you make a quick stop at the post office to discover you’ve been
mailed a package.
Post 2: This second post goes to a group of people, without which I would not have made it this far as a missionary. This group of people is made up of two different sections:
Post 1: When I woke up this morning it was with a startling realization that my dreams had been filled with failures and fears. Then I realized what day it was. I would have loved nothing more than to pull the covers over my head and sleep away the day. Enter first person I want to thank the Lord for this year:
Meet Mr. & Mrs. Tomazin. These two probably don’t
realize it, but on the hardest of days, when I was most discouraged and
wondering what in the world I was doing living in such a remote village, a
package would arrive from them. It was always filled with the sweetest of
treats and surprises. A package sent with love that reminded me I’m not alone.
God’s answer during the lonely moments: Life as a missionary is so much bigger
than one person. I am a part of a team, called by God, to serve the people
overlooked by the world. It may seem like a little thing to most people but to
me, a package was my life-line to the outside work, to my team mates and a
constant reminder that God can provide anything,
anywhere and anytime.
Mrs.
& Mrs. Tomazin, if you’re reading this, know that God used your packages to
encourage me on my loneliest of days. Thank you for listening to the Lord’s
promptings and encouraging this Bush Girl to continue down the path God is
leading her.
Post 2: This second post goes to a group of people, without which I would not have made it this far as a missionary. This group of people is made up of two different sections:
The first is a group of random people, some of which I know,
others of which I don’t. The second is my church family in Dayton, Tennessee.
All of these people came together, lovingly smothering me in prayers and providing
financial support when my health hit a crisis point.
Without them I would not have been able to travel to South
Africa nor would I have been able to afford the
countless doctors’ appointments, prescriptions and unforeseen surgery.
Without them I would have given up hope.
But with them: I received the care I needed but most importantly I received the greatest gift of all: encouragement. Through various forms of communication each of these people stood with me through the miles, daily reminding me that I was not alone and encouraging me to hold onto hope.
If you’re reading this and are one of those people: please
know that I am forever grateful. I could not have continued serving the Lord in
the beautiful country of Zambia without your love and support. My life is forever
changed because of you.
Post 1: When I woke up this morning it was with a startling realization that my dreams had been filled with failures and fears. Then I realized what day it was. I would have loved nothing more than to pull the covers over my head and sleep away the day. Enter first person I want to thank the Lord for this year:
Miriam played a significant role in my life today specifically. Most years, I do my typical eat, sleep, work routine. This year however has been different in a most fantastic-of-ways. Without realizing it, Miriam, her husband Marcus, and their son Joel, invited me along for a weekend of visiting African wild-life. They didn't know this was the weekend I least enjoy; they simply knew I have a hunger for exploring Zambia and wanted me to join in the fun.
I'd be lying if I said, hiding under the covers was in no way appealing. And after waking-up from those nasty dreams, the darkness of my blankest called to me. And then the Lord, as he often does, reminded me that He
intentionally placed me in a community of believers to walk through life with.
Two of those community members were just outside. So I dragged myself out of
bed, found Miriam and we had a good talk. She offered a shoulder to cry on and
then we spent time praying over the day and my heart.
It was such a blessing to walk through the day with them. It ended up being the
most relaxing day-in-the-city I’ve ever experienced and it was filled with African-wildlife, fun, laughter, music and oh-so-much-food. Did I mention we got to see African-wildlife? :) The lions were amazing!
Year 4 (After 10 years)
(Friday August 21, 2015)
 |
| My big brother Kennedy |
The last few months have been difficult as I have adjusted to life in Zambia. There have been
lots of
tears and frustrations, lots of misunderstanding of this new culture and lots of joy. Kennedy is a trusted brother I can go to and say “why did this happen?” and "I'm so glad ___ just happened!" The Lord has given him the wisdom, knowledge and grace, to speak truth and
explain the Zambian culture. I am so thankful for this dear brother in the
Lord.
In Christ,
Jenifer
You see, naïvely, I thought it was a simple thing.
“Can I have a Bemba name?”
“Sure! You will now be called…..”
We had been sitting on the sandy beach listening as Chicha
told us stories of his time in training. He talked about giving each foreigner
a new name. The idea of that was so appealing, that my friend and I asked if he
and Ringwell would also give us Bemba names. We expected them to simply spout
off a name, but to our surprise, we learned there was so much more involved.
Both Chisha and Ringwell told us the importance of prayer in the giving of a
new name. That night both of them prayed, separately, to the Lord asking for
wisdom and a revelation.
The next evening, we excitedly asked if they had names for
us. To everyone’s surprise, the Lord had given both Chisha and Ringwell, the
same name for me: Bupe (pronounced “whoop-eh). The meaning of this name
continually puts me in awe of God’s love and grace. In the words of my brothers
“It means: Gift from God”.
Those of you who know me well may understand how much this
name touches my soul, gently soothing to broken and battered parts of my heart
– I am valuable, I am loved in the eyes of my heavenly Father. Being abandoned
by my earthly parents seems so small in comparison to this. I am a gift; God’s
precious and most loved daughter; a woman of value.
My one aim, the thing I most desire, if for God to use me, to
use the story He has blessed me with, to bring glory and honor to his name. The
name above all Names: Jesus my Lord.
Love in Christ,
Jenifer
(P.S. Sorry there are no photos of these guys as they now are living in different villages and my 2011 photos are somewhere on my other computer)
Post 1: Its hard to believe its been ten year since my dad left this world. I’ll admit, I thought about completely skipping over this day, trying to make it like any other day, but realistically that’s not possible. There’s something that stirs at the center of my soul when I think about my dad, especially on a day like today. A deep longing to have that one person to go to for advice; even more so now that I am a missionary.
As a little girl, I grew up listening in awe as my father regaled us with stories of life in Haiti, on the way to school. Looking up to my father, as I did, I wanted to follow in his footsteps. Later in life my vision changed, as it often does in children. I wanted to be everything from a farmer (like my papa), to a painter (again like my dad) to translator. By college I thought I was set, I was going to be a motivational speaker. I spent four years studying psychology and took extra classes in film (the thing that most lights up my heart). Then God threw me a curve-ball and now I find myself living in a remote, tropical-village, living the dream of a 7 year old girl.
It seems fitting then, to honor this day, that I talk about the people God so lovingly brought into my life, as I serve him in my new home country. So as much as I’d rather pull the covers over my head and miss my dad, I once again feel the Spirit tugging me to rejoice. To honor and glorify my heavenly Father who has never left me as I’ve walked this crazy journey, with all its bumps, bruises and weird illnesses, to the village of Mpulungu, Zambia.
I hope you enjoy each post and will rejoice with me in all the Lord has done.
Love in Christ,
Jenifer
Year 3
(Thursday August 21, 2014)
Man what a year! There have been so many ups and downs, big life events (like my first-ever date) and life decisions (where to live, what work to do) and with each of those, the reminder that one special person is missing. I found myself, with each event, wanting to pick-up the phone and call my dad. Just like I used to do way back in 2004 when I was a camp counselor. Just to hear his voice, just to say hi, just for some godly wisdom...
Last night, I found myself once again overwhelmed by the fact that I am fatherless, in the earthly sense. By 7 pm I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my PJs, with the blanket over my head, and not wake up again until 7 am Friday morning. I had to force myself to remember: that is not an option. This day is not one to be shrouded in gloom and despair; the rest of my life is not lived that way and so I refuse to let this day be different.
Last night, I found myself once again overwhelmed by the fact that I am fatherless, in the earthly sense. By 7 pm I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my PJs, with the blanket over my head, and not wake up again until 7 am Friday morning. I had to force myself to remember: that is not an option. This day is not one to be shrouded in gloom and despair; the rest of my life is not lived that way and so I refuse to let this day be different.
See here's the thing, if I don't remember the good gifts, the fantastic people and the wonderful adventures God has taken me on... well I'd probably curl up in a ball and die. And if that happens then the big pile of crap left in the wake of my father's death, well it just sits there stinking up my life and the life of everyone else I come in contact with. I want my life to be different; I want my life to proclaim God's glory in every situation; to be a pleasant aroma that draws others to the love of Christ. That kind of life is worth living, a life with purpose outside of myself and my small little world.
So this year, I want to proclaim what God has done in my life while living around the world. To, for a moment, step back and see the big picture: God's hand working in, what some would say, the most dark places around the world. And the truth that God truly is in the business of settling "the solitary in a home" (Ps. 68:6a) not just in North America, but around the world.
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| Throwback to my time living in Italy |
By His Grace,
Jenifer
P.S. For a reminder as to why this page is titled: Psalm 68:6a, scroll down to the section marked Year 2-2013.
I Didn't Know I Needed You:
Do you have a person in your life who, upon their arrival, you realize you needed them at just that moment and for the life to come. (No I'm not talking about a member of the opposite sex). I mean a fast-friend. You make each other laugh, you cry with each other, you encourage one another and you learn from each other... All these and so much more describe the person I'm about to introduce you too.
I realize this year I'm "going around the world" but I wanted to start here at home first.
Meet Tiffany. She is the older (not by much!) sister I didn't know I needed. Tiffany and I became friends at work. She helped me navigate the treacherous path to becoming a Teacher... a "Risk Avoidance Teacher", and of BOYS no less!
From Tiffany I learned the importance of "practicing what you preach". We had kids who would ask us all sorts of questions. In the beginning, I had no clue how to answer so I'd tell my students "I'm not sure, let me get back to you on that". By the time lunch rolled around I'd have a list of questions for Tiffany. She would graciously help me figure out the best way to answer. She always encouraged me to be honest with the kids when they would ask why I was single (yes my 6th grade boys asked, and not in the nicest way either). And always made sure I knew that being single didn't mean there was something wrong with me (yes my students said that).
Our car rides: This post wouldn't be complete without sharing the wisdom I learned while sitting in the passenger seat of her little Hyundai. There were many days where Tiff and I would have forty-five minute drives to a school. Often I'd fill those days by peppering her questions about relationships. Many of these questions I had "should" have been able to ask my dad. Since that wasn't an option, I learned to ask the hard questions, some of which wondered about for years, and talk through my struggles with this strong, and gracious young woman. She has so much wisdom and knows how to answer questions with class (also she makes you laugh which totally helps relieve the stress and awkward moments).
Tiffany I am so thankful for you, your friendship, for all the lessons, wisdom and advice you've given me, not only about relationships but also about life. [AND for helping me re-do my teen years by teaching me to love the BackStreet Boys & NSync]. Love you friend!
Italian Sisters
In September of 2012, I took a journey across the world and ended up in the little village of San Lorenzo Italia. There I met two wonderful young women who are passionate about serving the Lord. Their names are Beth and Caitlin. Beth was my Resident Director, she taught me the importance of not taking things so personally. I remember showing up at her house one night, crying my eyes out because of the way a student was treating me. I remember her telling me "Being in ministry will always be like this. You have to get used to this." It was a difficult thing to hear, considering I wanted to work ministry long term. What I later realized is she was trying to tell me is: I have to get used to the idea that I won't get along with everyone. The important thing is even when people rub me the wrong way, I am still responsible for treating them as Christ would. To love them unconditionally, even if I don't agree with them or if they treat me badly. (This doesn't mean you let them walk all over you though! Please don't think that's what I'm saying).
The other young woman was Caitlin. She arrived during my second term, in January. From day one we became fast friends (that will happen when you use Italian paint to give your room a fresh look). Eventually our friendship grew into more of a sister-relationship. Thorough our three months of living together, I saw a resolve in Caitlin. Within a few weeks of serving at the school she realized the Lord was calling her there full time. We had many long conversations about working in Italy, as I was struggling over my decision not to return the following year, through which her resolve never changed. Caitlin loves the Lord so much that she was willing to leave family, friends and country to follow His leading. Being obedient is the most important thing to her; I saw this clearly in her unwavering trusted that the Lord would work out all the details. That's the kind of woman I want to be....
What A Wonderful World
Alright, I have to hop back to this side of the world for a minute. This year's post wouldn't be complete if I left out my new South Carolina friends. New city, no friends. What's a woman to do? Thankfully a friend suggested I attend a Sunday night event for young adults. Suddenly I find myself surrounded by people my own age (something that hasn't happened in a long time) who love Jesus passionately! Within two weeks I was plugged into a bible study for young adults. It was such a breath of fresh air! The first half hour was spent eating dinner, followed by upwards 2 hours of digging into the book of Acts. No one was the leader, we simply learned together. Consulting other scripture passages, looking up Greek words, flipping through concordances. Every night I left challenged and encouraged. This group of people loves Jesus and seeks daily to live by the Word of God. They aren't afraid to call each other out in a loving way, and gracefully accept each others points of view.
And the laughter, sometimes my sides ached from laughing so much. They are so good at the balance of serious and silly/good clean fun. This wonderful group of people prayed over me weekly as I pursued God's leading, they made me feel so loved and wanted. Not only have they rejoiced with me over victories, loved me through the hard times but they have shown genuine excitement over the calling God has placed on my life.
There are too many of you to name, and not enough space for pictures of everyone, but you know who you are. I am so thankful for each and every one of you! Thank you for loving me and supporting me even when we're miles apart. Know I will be praying for each of you as you pursue the Lord and become more like Him. Philippians 1:3-11
Tiffany I am so thankful for you, your friendship, for all the lessons, wisdom and advice you've given me, not only about relationships but also about life. [AND for helping me re-do my teen years by teaching me to love the BackStreet Boys & NSync]. Love you friend!
Italian Sisters
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| Lydia, (Me), Beth |
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| Caitlin and I at the Trevi Fountain |
What A Wonderful World
Alright, I have to hop back to this side of the world for a minute. This year's post wouldn't be complete if I left out my new South Carolina friends. New city, no friends. What's a woman to do? Thankfully a friend suggested I attend a Sunday night event for young adults. Suddenly I find myself surrounded by people my own age (something that hasn't happened in a long time) who love Jesus passionately! Within two weeks I was plugged into a bible study for young adults. It was such a breath of fresh air! The first half hour was spent eating dinner, followed by upwards 2 hours of digging into the book of Acts. No one was the leader, we simply learned together. Consulting other scripture passages, looking up Greek words, flipping through concordances. Every night I left challenged and encouraged. This group of people loves Jesus and seeks daily to live by the Word of God. They aren't afraid to call each other out in a loving way, and gracefully accept each others points of view.
And the laughter, sometimes my sides ached from laughing so much. They are so good at the balance of serious and silly/good clean fun. This wonderful group of people prayed over me weekly as I pursued God's leading, they made me feel so loved and wanted. Not only have they rejoiced with me over victories, loved me through the hard times but they have shown genuine excitement over the calling God has placed on my life.
There are too many of you to name, and not enough space for pictures of everyone, but you know who you are. I am so thankful for each and every one of you! Thank you for loving me and supporting me even when we're miles apart. Know I will be praying for each of you as you pursue the Lord and become more like Him. Philippians 1:3-11
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| Some of my Merge friends in Haiti. I had the joy of teaching them how to eat sugar cane :) |
God Knew; I Didn't
I intentionally saved this one for last. If you know me at all, then you know I have a heart for Zambia. More specifically for the missionaries serving (as we say) "that side".
In 2010, I distinctly remember laughing at the person who suggested I do an internship overseas (Sorry Matt Benson). But the Lord wouldn't let me get away that easily. Long story short, two weeks after graduation, I found myself on a plane headed for a country I knew very little about. The first six weeks were pretty awful; I had culture shock so bad the first few weeks I felt sick to my stomach. But as the weeks went by I slowly began to adjust. By the time I left, I felt as Zambian as a white girl in the middle of the bush could feel. :) Debrief in Italy was a trip! I felt completely out of place and wanted to go back to the bush.
So why am I saying all this? Well, something changed while I was in Zambia. I met a group of missionaries who changed my life, the way I view God and the world around me. My life was forever changed because of them; and it continues to change. Even from the other side of the world, I receive messages and texts asking how I am and what God is doing in my life. They don't let me get away with the easy answers and they aren't afraid to ask the hard questions. From them I learned the importance of facing things head-on, knowing that the Lord is by my side and that I am surrounded by a body of believers who love me through the change.
In February of this year, after years of asking, the Lord opened the doors for me to return to my beloved Zambia and serve along side my friends. After six long months of prayer and paper work, I finally received official acceptance as a missionary. I will be working as Assistant to the Field Leader and Coordinator of In-Coming Teams. The Lord used my brothers and sisters to bring about great change and now I am excited to do the same for others. I am also excited because the Lord has laid it on my heart to be an encouragement and support to the missionaries. There is so much work to be done and very few people to help. I am honored the Lord has chosen me help lighten their load.
I have three short months to raise the funds and supplies needed. I have no idea where they will come from but I'm moving forward, trusting the Lord already has it worked out.
As it relates to today: I think my dad would be proud that I'm serving overseas. Growing up he always shared stories of his life in Haiti working in the mountains as a missionary. With child-like dreams I had hoped to one day return and serve in the same country as my Father. God in His graciousness gave me a new dream; one beyond my wildest imagination. I am so thankful to the Lord for leading me down this path and for preparing a team of brothers and sisters with whom I already have relationships and trust.
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| I don't even have the words... |
If you are at all interested in supporting me feel free to drop me a line! I'd love to share with you how God is working in Zambia and invite you to join in the work.
By His Grace I Live Today,
Jenifer
On the door of my apartment I have a sign that says "I AM HOME" with a reference to Psalm 68:6a which says "God settles the solitary in a home."The word solitary means: alone. In many ways I have been alone since my fifteenth year. When dad passed away I was immediately deemed an orphan by the Canadian government and the yearly paper work for that became the thorn that I could not remove. Yet God in His mercy worked to show me that I am not alone. Over the years God has used Psalm 68 to open my eyes to the adopted family I am a part of. I am not alone because I am a child of God (see Romans 8:14-16).
This year I am going to focus on being thankful for my “Southern Blessings”. I hope you enjoy reading about them and praising God, with me, as I celebrate that He does in fact place “the solitary in a home.”
By His Grace,
Jenifer
Southern Blessing #1: Paul and Sarah Shearer
Southern Blessings #2: Steve and Jennifer Snyder
Southern Blessings #4: Hannah Green
Southern Blessing #1: Paul and Sarah Shearer
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| precious Abigail |
My dear friend Paul and Sarah and their sweet daughter
Abigail opened their home to me while I was home on both of my furloughs
(August 2011, December 2011 - January 2012). Paul and Sarah taught me the importance
of opening your home to those who are serving the Lord and may not have
anywhere to “come home too”. They have also taught me the importance of being
myself and not fearing relationships! Thanks for all the laughs, the dating and
relationship advice and for allowing me the privilege of spending time with
your precious daughter.
Southern Blessings #2: Steve and Jennifer Snyder
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| Mr. & Mrs. Snyder (photo credit Ms. Jennifer) |
I have truly been blessed! Steve and Jennifer Snyder are the
second couple to welcome me into their home when I had nowhere else to go.
While home on winter furlough, I had a conversation with Ms. Jennifer about
returning after my year overseas. I told her I wanted to come back to Tennessee
and settle here but had nowhere to live. Without even thinking about it she
said “Jenifer, you can live with us! You’ll have a roof over your head and food
on the table until you can start providing for yourself.”
When I came back from
Italy, I went through a lot of culture shock and adjustment. Quite honestly I
felt pretty messed up. I lived with Mr. & Mrs. Snyder for 8.5 months during
which they put up with my crazy late-night habits, my cooking and my constant
in and out. From Mr. Snyder I learned the importance of being a life-long
student and sharing that knowledge with others. (He also helped me purchase my first vehicle - a beautiful Ford Escape) Ms. Jennifer showed me that serving the Lord sometimes means opening one’s home to complete strangers and
the deep joy that can be found in doing so. She taught me the importance of waiting
on the Lord for his perfect timing (especially when job hunting) and had confidence
in abilities I did not know I possessed. She also helped me find an apartment, make a budget (a terrifying feat!). But more importantly, I learn to be still, wait on the Lord and when it was time to quit waiting, get up and move.
Southern Blessings #4: Hannah Green
I call her my sister from the hood! J She is one of my best
friends. Hannah and I have a habit of trying new foods. She finds a Groupon for
a hole-in the wall place and off we go. I never know what is going to happen
next (and I do mean that literally)!
Not only has she helped me embrace my
adventurous side but she’s is a living example of how following God can lead
you to some of the most unsuspecting, and most fulfilling places. God always shows up and shows-off when
he leads Hannah and that has been great reminder that He will do the same for
me if I just have the courage to step out in faith.
Hannah has also helped me
learn the importance of soaking life in laughter, I usually end up with a pain in my side and
short of breath because of something she’s said or done. Finally, and most
importantly Hannah has taught me the importance of living your life
wholly-sold-out for the Lord. She makes plans but also follows it up with “the Lord can change this at any time”. She’s careful to hold everything and everyone with open
hands because she knows that ultimately everything belongs to the Lord. I'm so grateful for the long talks, the crazy foods, the laughter and the shared tears. Love you sister!
Southern Blessings #4: CRU Family
Meet my Cru
family! Yes there are a lot of us and I’m sure you can tell by the photo that
we’re a pretty crazy bunch! I started meeting these men and women in January of
2012 while home on furlough. I have yet to meet a group of young adults who
love Jesus more than they do. Not only do they love Jesus but they love each
other which a real and selfless love.
Southern Blessings #4: CRU Family
Meet my Cru
family! Yes there are a lot of us and I’m sure you can tell by the photo that
we’re a pretty crazy bunch! I started meeting these men and women in January of
2012 while home on furlough. I have yet to meet a group of young adults who
love Jesus more than they do. Not only do they love Jesus but they love each
other which a real and selfless love.
From them I have learned what working in
ministry is supposed to look like. 1) a
personal focus on deepening my relationship with the Lord, 2) being in ministry
doesn’t mean you figure out what God wants you to do, it means finding out what
God is already doing and then joining Him and 3) working in ministry and with
others requires an honesty, bathed in love for each other that only comes from
a personal relationship with the Lord. They are very honest about their
struggles, they’ll freely admit they don’t always agree or get along, but at
the end of the day they still love each other and will stand by and support one
another. They have pushed me to women after God’s own heart and not to run away
from the hard things.
Southern Blessings #5: Crazy Mom Friends ;)
Southern Blessings #5: Crazy Mom Friends ;)
Have you ever had a group of friends that bring joy to your
soul? Well meet a few of mine: Carol, Raegan, Suzanne and Angela. Last year, I
sent out a text asking if anyone was free. This year, my dear friends made sure
I wasn't alone (night hours can be the most difficult). A lot has happened this
past year, but this weekend was a turning point for me. I decided to start
living my life as if it was my own. No more doing things because everyone
expected or told metoo. I realized that becoming
the “Me” God created means enjoying the life He has given me. These
ladies teach me every day what it means to laugh even when things are difficult. Tonight
I laughed so hard I literally couldn't breathe. They brought laughter, helped me find joy, encouraged me not to settle for mediocre and to dream
big! I am so thankful for each and every one of you! Thank you for filling
tonight with laughter and joy.
[oh and 3 words: rat, gerbil and banana clip ;)]
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'nuf said :)
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| last year: Raegan, Carol & I |
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| This year: my closest friends |
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| In the words of Raegan "HOT" :) |
Love you much, Jenny-Manz.
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